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boot to the head



​Ti Kwan Leep


Teacher: Approach, students. Close the circle at the feet of the master. You have come to me asking that I be your guide along the path of Ti Kwan Leep. But, be warned: To learn its ways, you must learn the ways of your own soul. Let us meditate upon this wisdom now. So: Aaaaaaooooommm......

Ed Gruberman: Uh, sir! Sir! (oo! oo!) Sir!

Teacher: Who disturbs our meditation, as a pebble disturbs the stillness of the pond?

Ed Gruberman: Me! Ed Gruberman?

Teacher: E-Ed Gruberman?

Ed Gruberman: Yeah, uh, no disrespect or nothin', but, like, uh, how long is this gonna take?

Teacher: Ti Kwan Leep is not a path to a door, but a road leading forever towards the horizon.

Ed Gruberman: So like, what, an hour or so?

Teacher: No, no, we have not even begun upon the path. Ed Gruberman, you must learn patience.

Ed Gruberman: Yeah yeah yeah, patience. How long will that take?

Teacher: Time has no meaning. To a true student, a year is as a day.

Ed Gruberman: A YEAR??? I wanna beat people up right now! I got the pajamas! Hah woo yah ooomm!

Teacher: "Beat people up"...?

Ed Gruberman: Yeah! Just show me all those nifty moves so I can start trashing bozos! That's all I came here for! YO ASTA STA STA!!! Pretty good, eh?

Teacher: The only use of Ti Kwan Leep is self-defense. Do you know who said that? Ki Lo Ni, the great teacher.

Ed Gruberman: Yeah? Well the best defense is a good offense, you know who said that? Mel, the cook on "Alice".

Teacher: No, um...Ti Kwan Leep is the wine of purity, not the vinegar of hostility. Meditate upon this truth with us. Aaaaoooommm...

Ed Gruberman: Listen, shrimp! All this fag talk is really starting to piss me off. Now, are you gonna show me some fancy moves, or am I gonna start wapin' the walls with you?

Teacher: Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Ti Kwan Leep. Approach me that you might see.

Ed Gruberman: All right! Finally some action!

Teacher: Observe closely, class. Boot to the Head! (SH-ZOOMP!)

Ed Gruberman (drunkenly): Owww! You booted me in the head!

Teacher: You are lucky, Ed Gruberman. Few novices experience so much of Ti Kwan Leep so soon.

Ed Gruberman (quietly, to himself): Ow, oh, my head!

Teacher: Now we continue. Aaaaaoooommmm...

Ed Gruberman: Hey! Hey, I wasn't ready! Come and get me now shorty, huh? Come on, are ya chicken?

Teacher: Boot to the head! (SH-ZOOMP!)

Ed Gruberman (again, drunkenly): Oww! Okay, now I'm ready, okay, now, come on, try it now.

Teacher: Boot to the head! (SH-ZOOMP!)

Ed Gruberman: Mind if I just lie down here for a minute?

Teacher: Now class, we shall return to our...

Student 2: Master?

Teacher: It is wrong to tip the vessel of knowledge, student.

Student 2: Many apologies, master. But I feel Ed Gruberman is not wholly wrong.

Teacher: What do you mean?

Student 2: I want to boot some head, too.

Teacher: Have you learned nothing from the lesson of Ed Gruberman?

Student 2: Yes, master. I have learned two things. First, that anger is a weapon only to one's opponent.

Teacher: Very good.

Student 2: And secondly, get in the first shot. Boot to the head. (SH-ZOOMP!)

Teacher: You missed.

Student 2: Uh, yeah. Well...

Teacher: You too shall be honored to learn a lesson...

Student 2: You don't have to, you know. I-I gotta be going...

Teacher: Boot to the head! (SH-ZOOMP!)

Student 2 (agonizing pain): Oyyy oy oyyyy.... Oh....

Teacher: Can anyone tell us what lesson has been learned here?

Student 3: Uh, yes, master. Not a single one of us could defeat you.

Teacher: You gain wisdom, child.

Student 3: So we'll hafta gang up on ya! Get 'im guys!

(Teacher throws many 'Boot to the head!s' and 'SH-ZOOMP!s'. There are many people groaning in pain.)

Teacher: And now class, let us rejoin the mind to the body and gaze into the heart of the candle in meditation.

Unison: Aaaaaoooommm.... 
​
Teacher: Very good, class.
  • Home
  • Monthly Success Package
    • January 2021 Monthly Power Pack
  • Business Resources
    • Online Instructor College
    • Fundamental Business Systems >
      • Why should people do business with you?
      • The Core 4 Challenge
      • The Magic Formula | PAIER
      • 3 Key Objectives Productivity Planner
      • Income Generators
      • Rule of 2
      • The Marketing Zombie Apocalypse
      • No Relationship- No Business
      • Getting Leads
      • Creating a FB Group for Prospects
      • Info Call Procedure
      • Black Belt Spectaculars
    • Retention Systems >
      • Keep the students you have
      • Prep Zones
      • How To Handle Students That Want To Quit
    • Instructor/Staff Development >
      • Sizzle Time
      • Sparring
      • Staff Training 101
      • S.W.A.T. - Staff Development >
        • Level 1 >
          • Lesson 1
          • Lesson 2
          • Lesson 3
          • Lesson 4
          • Lesson 5
          • Lesson 6
        • Level 2 >
          • Lesson 7
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          • Lesson 13
    • Sales Training >
      • Info Call Procedure
      • Handling Info Call Objections
      • How Much Does It Cost?
      • How To Handle Students That Want To Quit
      • Creative Ways to Follow Up on Prospects
      • Upload your email list to Facebook
      • Extension Conference Script
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      • Delinquent Payment Calls
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      • PG 123s
      • Adult P.O.G.O. Script
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    • Event Promotions >
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      • Class and Glass
      • Demos >
        • Boot to the Head
      • Holiday Sale
      • Birthday Parties >
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      • Parent's Night Out >
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        • American Ninja Warrior P.N.O.
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        • Talent Show P.N.O.
        • Holiday Season P.N.O.
        • Bounce House P.N.O.
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      • Who will be the next Dragon Warrior?
      • Parents as Coaches
      • VIP Video Contest
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